Published On: Sat, Feb 2nd, 2013

Zimbabwe bets entire national budget on Fulham vs. Manchester United

HARARE, Zimbabwe (The Global Edition) – In a desperate attempt to save the federal government from economic collapse , Zimbabwe’s Ministry of Finance has decided to gamble all of the nation’s $217 on Fulham Football Club to come out victorious in a match against Manchester United.

Last week, Minister of Finance Tendai Biti said the African nation only had $217 remaining in its public accounts, so he came up with a plan: bet it all on Fulham. The original idea was to bet on Fulham to win after ending the first half with a lead, but they gave up on that idea “because it seemed silly to pursue any risky investments with our whole national budget,” according to Biti.

“So we put it all on Fulham to win at home,” said Biti. “With a quota of 4.85, when the pay-out day comes, we should be looking at something like $1,053, which is a pretty serious amount of money.”

Biti believes Fulham has a great shot at helping Zimbabwe save their economy.
“Fulham is playing very well, are in a superb shape and, most important of all, their confidence has skyrocketed after winning the last round game against West Ham,” said Biti, enthusiastically scrutinizing European football in a way that might prove fruitful if he turned those analytical skills toward his own country’s finances. “Manchester United has also come on top against Southampton on their own pitch, but a lot harder than anticipated, so it looks like it’s time for them to add an away loss to their score. I see no reason why that shouldn’t happen against Fulham.”

Biti acknowledged the opposition’s criticism that his gamble might not be the most rational move ever, and replied that, as the minister of finance, he has to take certain risks in his line of work and the public simply has to trust him.

“We’d all be a lot more relaxed if we placed the bet on Arsenal to win against Stoke City, which was one of the opposition’s proposals, but with the quotta of only 1,45 in that situation, we cannot solve our problem,” said Biti. “If our ticket goes good, next weekend we could put the money on a smaller quota, but we can’t concern ourselves with that now. We simply have to take big risks that our people are expecting of us. I think they’ll be happily surprised.”

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  • Deckard

    I’m no fan of the Zimbabwean government but this article is a blatant lie…..pathetic