Published On: Thu, Aug 22nd, 2013

UK MI6 Agents Buy and Burn all Copies of The Guardian’s Newspapers From The Stands In Order to Prevent Information Leak

LONDON (The Global Edition) – Thousands of agents of British Security agencies purchased all the copies of the British “Guardian” newspaper from the newsstands early this morning, and burned them all at once on bonfires at central town squares all over the country, other British media reported. This radical act represents the fail-proof solution on how to prevent further information leak from Britain’s Guardian, The Global Edition finds out.

Witnesses claim that MI6 agents were already located in front of the stands when they opened, then stormed inside, bought all the copies of the Guardian with exact change. The agents then rushed out of the stores to a previously arranged location, where they gathered all the copies on a large bonfire, setting the stack of “Guardian” newspapers on fire.

Source from the Agency says that this will from now be the practice in the future as well.

“Agents will have to get up very early and reach the newsstands before the van which delivers the newspapers, and then purchase all the paper copies,” says the source who gave us his name but then forced us to delete it in front of him. “In the next several day, we will hire 3.000 new agents needed to cover all the places that sell newspapers more efficiently”, he added.

The MI6 source claims that this action represents a triumph of the secret services, adding that the destruction of the newspapers on the bonfire will definitely ensure none of the information leaks out.

“We’ve decided to burn all the purchased newspapers ritually, thus efficiently preventing anyone from reading any part of the papers, but also send a strong and clear message to all the media not to play with sensitive intelligence in the future”, the source said. “They told us that we cannot stop the leak via the Internet, but our message to those people is: We will hire all the necessary staff to go from door to door and turn off computers of all the individuals using them to read Snowden’s information”, he concluded.

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  • Maxime Prometheas

    Ha ha, I don’t think the Guardian had ever sold that many copies in their history. And it also boosts the economy by adding 3,000 jobs to the market. It’s a win-win situation for the UK.