Published On: Sat, Aug 25th, 2012

Suicide Bomber Gets Shot Out Of a Cannon At a Drone, Misses

ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN (The Global Edition) — Due to a lack of funding by major terrorist organizations, a shadowy militant group attempted to take down a U.S. drone by firing out one of its suicide bombers from an actual cannon directly at it, near the capital of Pakistan earlier this week, sources say.

The attempt of a group calling itself the Al-Poorah Front resulted in a complete failure as the marksmen missed the drone and blasted 18-year-old Ashur Abu-Khalid into a nearby building, causing serious injuries to young Pakistani and a minor damage to the building.

The group issued a statement recorded on a VHS tape and then uploaded via dial-up to their Livejournal page: “This was a message to all the big terrorist organizations out there so they can see our willingness and dedication to fight the infidels,” read a distorted voice, with black text scrolling across a white screen and Islamic chanting playing in the background.

The distorted voice also said that the “terrorist game isn’t really easy for poor countries who don’t have any special outside funding, but they are looking and willing to talk with foreign investors so they can organize proper terrorist attacks like plane takeovers with bomb wired vests, so they don’t have to waste any more valuable men by firing them out of old cannons at silly drones.”

The Al-Poorah Front has claimed past attacks through statements posted on militant websites, taking credits for such acts as “throwing a rock through a window at a NATO base”, “Letting the air out of tires of U.S. soldiers’ vehicles, then scratching them with keys” and most notorious of all “burning an American flag in a dark and deserted alley”.

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  1. Steve says:

    Is this some kind of out-of-sync April Fool’s joke? Nobody can survive being shot out of a real cannon.

  2. Jerry says:

    Man….you have to have some big cannon sized balls just to try a stupid stunt like that…The story is actually kind of funny in a pathetic sad way.
    Hallo…my name is Mohammed and this is Al-Poorah Jackass!

  3. Tony says:

    Captain insane-o shows no mercy! LOL Talk about a bag of winners!

  4. “Morons” takes on a whole new meaning.

    And of course, this is something a Republican would do.

  5. HyenaKiller says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA….. this made me LOL for real… I woke my whole row up… wow… darwanisim at it’s finest… Keep up the good work there al poo, RAH… hhahahahahaha

  6. John says:

    Guys, look at the other stories on this site before you tell your idiot friends about this… I’m embarassed for you.

  7. Dean says:

    This is funny site… I would say a very good one.
    Do not think it’s real.

  8. leo says:

    well, you may want to make it more clear that it’s a joke.

    apparently nothing that those idiots would do will surprise me so i actually took it seriously… until i read another article about Apple by a sheer chance.

  9. asher says:

    prejudices die hard. Europe is still full of barbarians no matter how much of make up is applied.

  10. jethromayham says:

    The cannon looks too small for a human to squezze down the tube. They should use a larger cannon and aim above and in front of the drone. Be sure to paint Allah is Great on the guy’s forehead for luck.

  11. soren says:

    Yes, this is a pathetic story of terrorist wannabes. Suggests there is little to do in today’s Pakistan: not many skateboard parks for the kids, no hanging out in malls oggling the chicks, all the normal activities for young males. Instead it’s well…this pathetic activity. You have to wonder how many such wannabes there are.

  12. Besplatan says:

    Anyone not realizing this is a joke article should never have children. We don’t need any more stupid people on this planet.

  13. Darmagnac says:

    OMG!! The people commenting who didn’t realize this was an (obvious) joke should be euthanized immediately. You’re depleting limited resources and will never make a positive contribution to society. Incredibly stupid…

  14. JTurbine says:

    It’s the Radical Islamic version of “JackAss”!!

  15. Vic says:

    Sounds like the terrorists are finding recruits of high caliber….

  16. Jean says:

    OMG! Is this for real. What an idiot or should I say idiots. It just goes to show what “creative” thinking can do…..and that’s total failure on all counts. I really think this could be a top 10 movie with no shortage of idiot extras. I think even Allah would laugh at this one. *** //Edit: Sorry, no bashing other people beliefs.

  17. Ron igo says:

    Too bad he is not in America or Obama could have gotten another vote out of him with the rest of the Obama morons.

  18. Peter says:

    With the US now reducing its military to a level some small third world countries might stand a chance of doing damage, this is something to consider as a stop gap measure! Put Obama in as a test shot!

  19. Roadrunner says:

    we have witnessed the first wyl e coyote terrorist attack,

    phase 2 is of course strapping rocket propelled roller skates to terrorists and attacking infidel vehicles!!!

    Allah akbha???

  20. TreeTopFlyer says:

    The problem is they’re thinking small…they need to recruit a BUNCH more people and shoot them all at the same time in barrages…blimey, it just might work! Hey, ya never know! Just sayin!

  21. Skinner says:

    Wow, I really misread this article. I initially thought it was far too obvious that it was a joke, far too exaggerated and absurd to be funny. But, reading the comments, I see that it wasn’t quite obvious ENOUGH. There are – astonishingly – people out there who thought it was for real.

    Which makes me wonder – how far would they have to go before readers would finally realise that they weren’t actually being serious? Pretty frickin’ far, it seems.

  22. JC says:

    I’ve never heard of this website. Are they setting themselves up as a competitor to the Onion?

  23. Danielito says:

    Next plot in Al-Poorah Front total jihad destructo manual, blow up a school bus , placing lips firmly on tailpipe and blowing hard

  24. PhlyPhisher says:

    Smells of BS to me, more of the kind of story you might find on the Onion don’t you think.

  25. Capt.Bob says:

    Can you all read this……have fun

  26. Cadiz says:

    LMAO! Probably screaming ‘Death to the Great Satan’ all the way into the building wall.

  27. Haris says:

    Shoddy journalism at its best!

  28. crackers says:

    They’ve got me, I’m hooked on the comments not just the articles. Not everyone understands humour I guess!.. Try reading some more articles if you don’t get it.

  29. Kim Rdrd says:

    Holy Bible, John 16 Jesus is speaking: “All this I have told you so that you will not fall away. 2 They will put you out of the church; in fact, the time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God. 3 They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me. 4 I have told you this, so that when their time comes you will remember that I warned you about them.——–“All this I have told you (my followers — Christians) so that you will not fall away (from the true faith). 2 They (of a false religion) will put you out of the church; in fact, the time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God. 3 They (of this false religion) will do such things because they have not known God the Father or me (Jesus Christ, son of God). 4 I have told you this, so that when their time comes (for killing) that you will remember that I warned you about them.

  30. sunliteco says:

    Just shows how many wing nuts are out there willing to do such outlandish things.

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