Suicide Bomber Gets Shot Out Of a Cannon At a Drone, Misses
ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN (The Global Edition) — Due to a lack of funding by major terrorist organizations, a shadowy militant group attempted to take down a U.S. drone by firing out one of its suicide bombers from an actual cannon directly at it, near the capital of Pakistan earlier this week, sources say.
The attempt of a group calling itself the Al-Poorah Front resulted in a complete failure as the marksmen missed the drone and blasted 18-year-old Ashur Abu-Khalid into a nearby building, causing serious injuries to young Pakistani and a minor damage to the building.
The group issued a statement recorded on a VHS tape and then uploaded via dial-up to their Livejournal page: “This was a message to all the big terrorist organizations out there so they can see our willingness and dedication to fight the infidels,” read a distorted voice, with black text scrolling across a white screen and Islamic chanting playing in the background.
The distorted voice also said that the “terrorist game isn’t really easy for poor countries who don’t have any special outside funding, but they are looking and willing to talk with foreign investors so they can organize proper terrorist attacks like plane takeovers with bomb wired vests, so they don’t have to waste any more valuable men by firing them out of old cannons at silly drones.”
The Al-Poorah Front has claimed past attacks through statements posted on militant websites, taking credits for such acts as “throwing a rock through a window at a NATO base”, “Letting the air out of tires of U.S. soldiers’ vehicles, then scratching them with keys” and most notorious of all “burning an American flag in a dark and deserted alley”.