Published On: Wed, May 15th, 2013

Small-Dicked Environmentalist Purchases Tesla Roadster

SAN FRANCISCO (The Global Edition)– Jack Rodney (41) eco-house real estate agent with a below-average-size penis from San Francisco, USA, purchased a new model of Tesla roadster, sources report. Mr. Rodney has wanted an overcompensating sports car ever since he found out his sexual performance was pretty bad, but until recently was unable to buy anything that matched his “ideological beliefs”.

“The fact that there’s a car that’s eco-friendly, and at the same time says “look how much money I have” is a great thing for all eco-aware, small-dicked men out there. Just to think that I was deprived of a chance to show off and overcompensate until now makes me wonder where this world is going to,” said Mr. Rodney, polishing the hood of his new car-penis.

Tesla Motors company says their sports vehicles could make every environmentalist attractive, “no matter how ugly, balding, old, or just plain douchey he might be.”

“The market demographic for our cars is wealthy white men with small dicks, but only those who care about the environment. You would be surprised how large that portion of the market is,” reads a company statement.

By TGE correspondent Mike King

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  • Senka

    The last promotion from Tesla, run till 10/31 is discount match, percent for percent, based on your dick size being percentage below the average. I was able to get 34% discount for brand new Tesla. Anyway I am afraid I had been screwed because the dealership averted my well deserved 50% discount and manipulated down the USA average dick size.

  • Sean

    trying way too hard to reach the elusive funny dude.
    sorry :/ But hey, now you know and you can move on to trying your hand at something different, constructive criticism ftw!

    stumbleupon activate the thumb-down, begin sequence, set thrusters to ‘block website’…… engage. *totally in Picard’s voice too*