Published On: Tue, Sep 16th, 2014

Scientists: World Faces Certain Doom If Humanity Continues to Blah Blah Blah

GENEVA (The Global Edition) – A new scientific report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) indicates, in no uncertain terms, that the entire planet’s fate depends on humanity ending its practice of blah blah blah.

“We’re talking about the absolute, unequivocal destruction of Earth and all living organisms that inhabit it,” said some egghead know-it-all, who blathered on about one way or another it could be remedied or whatever.

The United Nations, World Meteorological Society, Sierra Club and NASA all supported the IPCC’s report, claiming a sixth mass extinction is imminent unless yada yada yada.

“At this rate, our entire species will be wiped out within five years,” said Poindexter McWhat-Else-Is-On. “However, if we simply …”, said the four-eyes or something to that extent. 
Yawwwwwwwn.

By David Ross

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