Romney Debates Whether To Wear $20,000 Or $30,000 Suit Tonight
COLORADO, USA (The Global Edition) — Mitt Romney, nominee of the Republican Party for President of the United States, spent 45 minutes deliberating whether to wear his custom Brooks Brothers suit, valued at $20,000 or his Dormeuil suit, which he purchased for $30,000 before a Bain Capital meeting in Tokyo.
“I’ve had a lot of great moments in that one,” Romney thought to himself as he glanced toward the charcoal gray, roughly the average annual per capita income of U.S. citizen valued Dormeuil suit. “I was wearing that suit when we bought that podunk Sealy mattress company,” added the Republican presidential candidate.
“On the other hand, my Brooks Brothers is my old standard” Romney thought. “I won the Wisconsin primary in these threads.”
In an effort to distract himself from making the decision too hastily, Romney put a Patek Philippe watch valued at $12,000 on his wrist and proceeded to carefully lay out a selection of designer ties on his hotel bed. After finishing a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, Romney laid both suits on the bed and quietly whispered “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” before settling on the custom Brooks Brothers suit.
“This is a good choice—makes me look like an average Joe,” said Romney when glancing into a mirror sources inside the hotel confirmed.
After Romney’s wardrobe assistants helped him neaten up, he carefully pinned a diamond-encrusted flag pin in his lapel before deciding whether to take his helicopter or stretch limousine to the debate.