People Around The World United In Masturbation For Ron Jeremy
WORLD (The Global Edition) – Upon hearing the news of Ron Jeremy’s declining health and hospitalization, porn aficionados around the world gathered in group masturbation sessions with Mr. Jeremy coupled with some hot chick rubbing against him in a highly sexual way in their thoughts.
More than one hundred million people of all races and nationalities are said to have tossed one off last night whilst thinking of Mr. Jeremy screwing some chick in a classic porn scene. Crowds included young and old alike, as Mr. Jeremy’s health issues reminded everyone that we are all mortal beings, and that we all are easily turned on by images of a couple of chicks riding that big, fat penis of his.
“It truly pains me to hear Ron is in a such troubled state,” said Jerry Buckman, 32, a chronic masturbator from Ohio. “Ron is not only a fat disgusting perv, he’s a fat disgusting perv that gives all of us old perv’s hope that we could bang something hot someday, no matter how out of shape, old, and ugly we are. For that, Ron is forever my idol and inspiration and I’m gladly gonna spank my monkey for his worn out old heart,” Mr. Buckman added.
Members of the biggest Canadian Ron Jeremy fan club whacked off with their left hands last night in support of the actor hospitalized in a critical state, saying “he would have liked it weird and dirty like that.”
A group of porn industry admirers from Sydney, Australia were so shook by the news of their favorite male actor’s hospitalization, that they spent the night watching Mr. Jeremy’s movies without even rewinding and skipping the parts where a body part other than his penis appears.