Published On: Mon, Jun 4th, 2012

New Research Indicates Doing Household Chores May Turn Men Gay

ISTANBUL (The Global Edition) – Years of doing chores around the house, including ironing, dishwashing, vacuuming and dusting, could turn heterosexual men gay, according to the results of a study headed by Dr. Kareem Ongyz, Turkey’s most famous sexologist from the University of Istanbul’s psychology department.

“For decades we’ve known that doing household chores could lead to the weakening of a man’s libido and sexual confidence, which manifested itself as poor performance in the bedroom. The research I have been conducting for the past twelve months indicates that the problem is not of a physical nature, but rather a medical one, because doing a female’s chores for several months decreases the testosterone levels in a man’s body. The only cure is to avoid any similar activities for an extended period of time,” Dr. Ongyz said.

According to the results of Dr. Ongyz’s study, symptoms include a lack of sexual desire, which is often misinterpreted by men as everyday fatigue. Furthermore, the psychologist claims that upon hearing that a man is tired because he was busy doing chores all day, a woman loses her sexual desire for the man as well. Rejected women will eventually stop attempting to initiate intercourse, leaving their partners no other option but to explore their sexuality on their own.

“Let’s take some ordinary activity, say dishwashing, as an example. For a while, a man does the dishes, and at a certain point, his wife realizes that the skin on his hands is beginning to get dry, so she buys him some moisturizing hand cream. Though the man will often refuse such offers in the beginning, eventually he will come to like the smell, and begin noticing the cream’s soothing effects on his skin. In the next phase, he realizes that there are other moisturizing hand creams out there, some even better smelling. He starts exploring. Not long after that, he discovers lip balm. I think you understand where all of this is going,” Dr. Ongyz said. The psychologist noted that taking out the trash was the only exception his study could find to the rule, and the only household chore that doesn’t result in any sexual changes in men, because it contains the sporty, basketball-like motion of thrusting a bag into an open container, an act in which certain sexual connotations can be found.

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  1. megan says:

    …are you kidding me?

  2. turbo says:

    Hogwash, nonsense, bullcr*p, crrazytalk… if you believe this, GET HELP!

  3. Nancy says:

    How on EARTH did anything so ridiculous get printed?! Sounds to me like this “doctor” is going to great lengths to justify to his wife why he isn’t doing his share of the housework.

  4. Doves says:

    Another classic! Thank you! I laughed so hard my son asked me what’s wrong with me. Lip balm.. it’s all downhill from there. lol

  5. Kriccit says:

    Obviously this study was done by men trying to get out of housework.

  6. Xenophon says:

    I already made my wife read the article while yelling “NO MORE DIRTY GAY-TURNING DISHES FOR ME!”. Sure, the research lacks validity (the researcher lacks sanity), but you cannot deny that men using beauty products is way wrong. Imagine how long it will take a couple to prepare for a night out.

  7. michael says:

    hey people, wake up!! this doctor is a muslin from istambul, so of course this is a muslin view of how a couple must behave.

  8. Szebastian says:

    LOL Dr. Kareem Ongyz, did you get your Doctorate from a Cobbler’s shop? I can only laugh at your lamest attempt at linking homosexuality to infertility and/or reduced libido. If anything gay men are more expressive and horny than straight men I have heard of. So is that YOUR excuse of frucking with all the men in your university of cobbler’s doctorate?


  9. Major Hit says:

    I see the commenters above didn’t realise this is a news parody site.
    Its all true of course. One sniff of perfumed moisturiser & you’ll be out cottaging within the hour, sucking off complete strangers.

  10. Thought so! I’ve been saying it all these years, a man’s place is in front of the tv, drinking beer and entertaining friends. Now we have proof!!

  11. Frank Lee says:

    It’s hard to believe that anyone would be dumb enough to take this article with anything other than a huge grain of salt.

    Only in America, I suppose.

  12. Dorky Guy says:

    You can’t argue with science.

  13. spanishbill says:

    A few simple suggestions: Just haul all of the dirty dishes out to the trash (double macho bonus, according to ‘Turkey’s most famous sexologist’), send the missus to K-Mart to buy one of those packages of 1,000 paper plates and whenever possible eat your take-out meals right out of the box while standing together at the kitchen sink–it can be very romantic (you can feed each other pepperoni pizza and light a couple of candles in the soap dish)…plus it will leave you with some free time.

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