Mitch McConnell Urging Senate to Pass Any Immigration Reform that Brings in ‘Hot Asian Girls’
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Global Edition) – With Democrats and Republicans making progress on a bill to reform the U.S. immigration system, Senate Minority Leader and noted sexual fetishist Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said he’ll support reform so long as it gets more young Asian females into the country.
The GOP leader has repeatedly declared that, to win over conservatives in the Senate, any immigration bill must contain “substantial initiatives” to make it easier for Asian women at or around the age of 18 to move to the United States no questions asked.
“I’m not really into the Latina or BBW stuff, but Asians, oh yeah,” muttered McConnell, letting his filthy, lascivious thought linger while he mentally traveled to sexually deviant recesses of his brain reserved for only the most socially unacceptable perversions.
McConnell’s biggest hurdle now will be rallying support from House Republicans, whose preference for amateur redheads is well-known on Capitol Hill.
“I’m confident we can reach a compromise. Perhaps we can get some Asian schoolgirls to dye their hair red … or, uh, maybe they can’t speak any English yet and they’re wearing red wigs … uhh, excuse me,” said McConnell, rushing to the nearest restroom.
Shortly thereafter, the distinguished senator from Kentucky let out a labored grunt.
By TGE correspondent David Ross