Minority Group Upset Because They Were Omitted From The NRA’s Enemies List - The Global Edition
Published On: Thu, Feb 14th, 2013

Minority Group Upset Because They Were Omitted From The NRA’s Enemies List

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The NRA "Enemy list" failed to mention one Norwegian Group

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DULUTH, MINNESOTA (The Global Edition)– In a press release, accusing the National Rifle Association (NRA) of “blatant discrimination,” The Norwegian Defamation League (NDL) protested the fact that they were left off the “NRA Enemies List.” “What do we need to do to be recognized? Norwegians are tired of being discriminated against, “ stated NDL president Olaf Johansson.

“It’s all very political. If you’re a woman or a woman’s group or if you’re African American you’ll probably be chosen to be their enemy,” said Johansson. “Of course if you’re a Gay or you’re Jewish, you’re in automatically.”

The list, which consists of such varied organizations as The Bay City Rollers, The United States Ping Pong Team, Mensa, The Unification Church, Happy Gilmore, Billy Shields and many more, failed to mention one Norwegian Group.

Wayne Lapierre, CEO of the NRA said in response to the accusation. “The NRA is an equal opportunity organization. Therefore the problem may be coming from the Norwegians; maybe they didn’t get their application in on time. I prefer to blame it on the Gays. We blame them for everything that we’re not sure who else to blame.”

The Norwegians reminded that they were the first people to limit the “right to bear arms.”

“After the Vikings had raped, pillaged and burned most of Europe, the Scandinavian Government, in the year 1088 AD limited the size of the spear that the Viking could carry, and eliminated the horns on the helmet. Eventually the helmet was painted purple and a Viking, in the horned helmet was painted on it,” stated Viking historian Fran Tarkenton.

When Mr. Lapierre was informed about the history of the Vikings he became noticeably agitated and said, “Horned helmets don’t kill people. People kill people. Had the newest list not gone out to the printers all Norwegians would be our enemies.”

The newest list is believed to contain such noted luminaries as the band “A Taste of Honey, Honey Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear, Yogi Bear, Yogi Berra and the Maharishi Yogi.”

By TGE correspondent Jello Marx

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  • Spanishbill

    Fran Tarkenton, now there is a piece of Viking history! Noted for running more yards sideways than down the field. Ya gotta love ‘Scrambling Fran’.

    I think I went to school with Olaf Johansson or, actually, two or three of them….

    A little known fact that may help the NDL get on the enemies list is Norwegian farmers in Minnesota also put limits on the ‘right to bare arms’ when they insisted on wearing long sleeve blue work shirts under their OshKosh B’Gosh bib overalls!

    I hadn’t heard of the NRA’s enemy list, but I have no doubt that it exists and is really pathetic. Of course, Yogi, being smarter than the average bear, (and he may be armed himself), would be included, but targeting his little buddy Boo Boo (please feel free to do your best Yogi impression here, ‘Hey Boo Boo ‘) is more than just wrong, it is, dare I say, Un-Amerikan! After all it is always Yogi that comes up with the plan to steal the ‘picinic’ basket. And to take the point further, picnic baskets don’t kill people it’s those damn egg salad sandwiches and lutefisk that Norwegians insist on taking to the park for lunch! Uffda!