Iran Successfully Stones Monkey To Death In Space - The Global Edition
Published On: Mon, Jan 28th, 2013

Iran Successfully Stones Monkey To Death In Space

TEHRAN, IRAN, (The Global Edition)–Iran said Monday it has successfully stoned a monkey to death in space, describing the stoning as another step toward Tehran’s goal of a enabling capital punishment to be performed outside of Iranian borders, in weightless conditions.

According to a brief report on state TV, the rocket carrying the monkey and an angry mob reached a height of 120 kilometers (72 miles). The report gave no other details on the timing or location of the stoning, but said the monkey died a slow and horrible death, “almost the same as it would on Earth”.

“The weightless conditions make it a bit different to stone a living thing to death, but our experience has showed that if you throw a rock hard enough, it will leave lethal damage to the animal”, says one of the researches on Iranian space stoning program.

Still images broadcast on state TV showed a small, gray-tufted monkey presumably being prepared for the stoning by being buried up to its waist in an improvised sandbox, with its hands tied behind its back.

Iran has long said it seeks to send an astronaut into space as part of its ambitious “stoning in space” program, after the 2012 ban on stoning on Iran territory.

The U.S. and its allies worry that technology from the space program could be tempting also to other countries where stoning to death is still applied as a form of capital punishment. Iran claims it is pursuing the program for their own purposes only, even unofficial reports have been made that a number of space monkeys have been illegally traded to Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Sudan.

“The reports have forced us to impose an embargo on bananas to Iran”, says US State Secretary Hillary Clinton.

Share your view
  • SRSwain

    What an interesting “Modest proposal” somebody has created for our entertainment. Are you sure this is not Mad Magazine?

  • stjohnofthevatican

    very funny news lol. Almost drop from laughing with this story “The reports have forced us to impose an embargo on bananas to Iran”, says US State Secretary Hillary Clinton. This the funny side of life.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Gravel/543788487 Daniel Gravel

    The drums of war are profoundly unfunny. I find this article offensive. Was this article written in the country with the world wide drone assassination program?

    • Bill Verditzman

      In the words of Bill Murray, “Lighten up, Francis”

  • l.adeli

    Bullshit!!!!!!!!!

  • Chas

    the laws of physics dictates that the person throwing the stone would propel themselves backwards with equal force, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, as every school child knows.