Hollywood Goes Too Far: Petraeus Sex Scandal Revealed to be Promo for OO7 Flick
LANGLEY, HOLLYWOOD (The Global Edition) – In an unexpected turn of events during the FBI investigation into David Patreaus it has been revealed that it is no coincidence that the affair between the General and his biographer, Paula Broadwell took place the same week as the latest James Bond Movie was released. It has been rumored that MGM has come up with an ingenious plan to market the newest spy thriller, “Skyfall”
One would have thought that only the mind of the late Ian Fleming could have come up with such a diabolical tale of such intrigue, but a group of MGM Executives led by someone who within the group is simply known as Number 1, has formed a committee known as “Skyfall Movie Executives require Studio Hit (SMERSH), have started to engineer a series of events that will enable them to pay back their largest investors.
The first such knowledge of this dastardly group came this past Tuesday eve. The paramour of CIA director, General David Petraeus, was found in a Washington hotel, solid gold paint all over her nude body. Paula Broadwell, 40 years old, who was shaken, but not stirred by the incident, revealed her affair with the General to authorities. The Hotel room was covered with posters advertising the newest James Bond Movie, “Skyfall.”
It has been further revealed that Broadwell recently sent salacious e-mails to Petraeus from an overseas trip that she was taking. The content of the e-mails have been kept secret by the FBI, however one agent did reveal that they were signed “From Russia with Love.”
Sam Mendes, when reached for comment was enthusiastic about the whole thing. “Hey, we’ve got 007 branded watches, cologne, smartphones, even nail polish,” said the film’s director. “But we lacked the real deal. Now what if the world’s most powerful intelligence officer gets exposed on the same day that the latest Bond film opens in the U.S.? Brilliant, right?”
TGE contributor Jello Marx