Hilary Clinton Applies For Social Services
WASHINGTON D.C. (The Global Edition)–Secretary of State Hilary Clinton, on the verge of leaving the State Department, announced today that she will take advantage of her Government entitlements and file for unemployment benefits.
Mrs. Clinton has long expressed that she has no desire to return for a second term as Secretary of State. “ I’ve been a government employee since 2000. Now I’ve been asked to tender my resignation. Like millions of others, I’ve been ‘let go.’ So starting January 20, 2013, I will collect the $405.00 per week that I am entitled to collect. There’s still some logistics to work out, primarily, I’m not waiting on line. Will they allow Bill to pick up my check for me?” Mrs. Clinton stated in a press conference yesterday.
“My husband and I will humbly face the challenge in front of us. We’re considering buying a farm. We’ve discussed all of the crops that we could collect Government subsidies not to grow.” Mrs. Clinton added “There are so many Government programs for disadvantaged people like us that can be relied upon, to help get us back on our feet. I was, however, disappointed to realize that ‘The Four Seasons’ does not accept food stamps.”
Mrs. Clinton, said that the money would be needed for “entertaining and fundraising for the 2016 Presidential Campaign” at her new house in Southampton, New York, that she and President Clinton are planning to purchase, after their mortgage modification is approved by the lender. She also indicated that if the modification is delayed “they will apply to The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) for temporary housing.”
The Global Edition has learned that Mrs. Clinton has met with a group of Democratic Senators, who may be willing to sponsor legislation that would enable any “Female, ex-Secretary of State, who also served in the Senate” to receive enhanced unemployment benefits.
In a related development, Chelsea Clinton and her husband Marc Mezvinsky have had a difficult time making ends meet on their $300,000.00 combined income, they will be selling their Gramercy apartment and moving in with the Clintons. This was revealed by a freedom of information search that uncovered Mrs. Clinton’s application for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF).
President Clinton, when reached for comment said, “This is why Hillary can connect to the common folk. I’m afraid that the Republican leadership doesn’t quite understand how difficult and demoralizing it is to live on Government handouts. We feel their pain.”
TGE correspondent Jello Marx