Published On: Fri, Feb 15th, 2013

European Food Safety Agency Assures Consumers Horsemeat Probably Came From Dead Horses

BRUSSELS (The Global Edition) – The European Food Safety Authority issued a statement today regarding citizens’ complaints about traces of horsemeat found in various meat products. The EFSA assured citizens that they have nothing to worry about, because the meat samples showed that “all of the horses were probably dead a long time before they ended up in our meals”.

“We understand the concerns of our citizens, but we have to reassure them that there is a pretty significant possibility that the horses did not accidentally wander into the meatgrinder, but that they were actually dead for a long, long time before they ended up in your frozen food section,” read the statement posted on the EFSA website. “Probably,” it adds.

The so-called “horsemeat scandal” began earlier this month after traces of horsemeat were discovered in products thought to contain beef, much to citizens’ dismay, and there was a lot of concern that the poor horses were still alive when they ended up in the food.

“I don’t get these people who are suddenly complaining now. They don’t mind the usual blended bones, eyeballs, and nails we mix together with the beef products, noooo, but when we add some horsemeat into the mix, they start freaking out,” said Vincento Masseronni, a European meat supplier. “It’s not like we are killing beautiful, strong racehorses, we just added a little pinch of those who were already dead. No big deal. That doesn’t count as killing, does it?” the meat supplier said.

The EFSA assured citizens that they will stop new horsemeat shipments and give permission to suppliers to start murdering other animals so that they can be blended into beef products, emphasizing that the next animal would be something less lovable to humans, such as rats.

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  1. Spanishbill says:

    Right, it could be worse they might have been eating Hormel’s Spam. And besides, as our mother never tired of reminding us, “There are starving children in India that would be happy to have a horse meat burger to eat!” I just hope it wasn’t the famous ‘Mr. Ed’. You don’t think they would knowingly kill a talking horse, do you? Of course Ed may not have been willing to speak up for himself….

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