Published On: Fri, Mar 28th, 2014

Copenhagen Zoo Kills Four Healthy Staff Members To Make Space for New Employees

COPENHAGEN (The Global Edition) – The Copenhagen Zoo has killed several of its staff members early this morning in order to create four new job openings, the Zoo public relations sector reported.

Officials of the Zoo say that the four members of the staff were humanely executed after being put to sleep with a lethal injection, and then skinned and chopped up while visitors crowded around and the meat was fed to the lion population.

“Based on the recommendation of the European Association of Work and Organizational Psychology (EAWOP), we have decided to make space for new work positions, because the Zoo needs new workers, and we found that killing old staff members was the cheapest and the most efficient way to do it,” said Zoo spokesman Tobias Stenbaek Bro “Four of the oldest staff members, among them one female, were put to sleep with a lethal injection and then fed to the giraffes. However, the giraffes didn’t show interest in their meat, so they were fed to the lions,” explained the Zoo spokesman.

“Being that the oldest staff members could no longer keep track with the new Zoo technologies, and could not manage themselves in the fast and ever-changing job environment, we feel that the criticism coming from some of their family members is completely unfounded,” the Zoo spokesman was quoted as saying.

“Zoos do not own the staff, but they are in charge of their employment, and in that regard have the full right to do with them whatever is considered necessary when they are on the Zoo territory”, said Tobias Stenbeak Bro. “It was the only humane way to dispose of them, you know. We couldn’t just leave them without jobs in this economy, as some heartless observers suggested”.

The Zoo spokesman concluded that “considering that the Zoo animals were fed with the meat of the former employees, the food chain was virtually completed, which is totally in respect of the law of nature”.

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  1. But a Bing but a boom says:

    This is a reference to 4 lions who were killed at a Danish zoo some time after a giraffe was killed and fed to the lions. (Google) I don’t know if it is the same zoo.

  2. Murrzeak says:

    It’s a bit too early for April Fool’s Day, don’t you think?

  3. Robert Selcov says:

    I heard that the zoo rejected the request of other zoos to transfer the employees to their staff because they did not maintain their standards of employee treatment as high as the Danish zoo observes.

  4. Jesper says:

    This is fucking hilarious, and I’m from Denmark.

  5. gammelnok says:

    hahaha …. this is the absolute danish stupidity

    hope is just a parody

    idiot fishermen society :))))

  6. gammelnok says:

    hahaha … stupid danish people

    hope is just a parody of these idiot fishermen :))))

  7. Fede says:

    They were too old for breeding!

    • K Fosse says:

      Uh I’m 43 technically “too old for breeding”. Should I be “euthanized”? Geesus, and Copenhagen Zoo, and animals shelters as well, let’s be real. Euthanasia is gentle release from life to injured or sick animals. You don’t “euthanize” healthy baby animals. You MURDER AND KILL THEM. Ps two of the four lions killed were babies, too old for breeding my fat A.

      • RSA says:

        I think it is just a joke saying that the people were too old for breeding? as in that is what we humans do to animals, say they are too old for breeding and kill them. Don’t worry! he is having a go at humans not animals, So you can relax, we all hate humans here :)

        • Arne H. Wilstrup says:

          Try to read my postings above -it explain it seriously – unless you’ll all stay ignorantly.

          • Hils1973 says:

            “it is very risky to operate animals”, but not as risky as a bolt in the brain.

            It is about time zoos came clean and admitted it is all about numbers through the turnstiles. Leave animal conservation to organizations which truly care for all the animals in their care.

          • Arne H. Wilstrup says:

            Oh, yes it is – a bolt in the brain and you are dead, operating costs pains for a very long time, and in this situation it is both expensive and unnecessary – zoos are not sanctuaries, at least not in Denmark, but scientific and educational gardens for research and teaching – there are no rooms for ‘animal pensioners’ and for what purpose? Putting an animal down is more humanely instead of observing old animals suffering for different diseases – we have a dog which is 12 years old – he has got gout but still is going strong with injections every 6 months, but when he is suffering from it, i.e. have severe pains, he too will be put down by a vet. That is the humane way – thinking otherwise is oversensitive and not necessary – we will never use thousands and thousands in order to prolong our dog’s life if he is suffering. Yes it is an economical question as well as a question of welfare for the animal – and so it is in the Zoo.

          • Hils1973 says:

            We are not talking about old or ill animals, but young healthy animals which have simply become surplus to requirements.

      • Arne H. Wilstrup says:

        You seem to be very ignorant of the subject matter. I have already written a thoroughly explaination about why it was a necessity to put down the animals in question -just read it above.

        About the lions: Yes the two old lions were too old. The male lion would have breeded the female old lion who would surely die if she became pregnant again. Then he would also try to breed the other two lions which were his daughters – and the inbreeding would be the result and this would not be a good healthy thing. So he must die and the mother must die as well as she would face another pregnancy with a new male lion.
        The cubs – they were too young to cope and because of the structure and behaviour of lions the new male would have killed them too. Therefore it were better that they were killed by a vet humanely.
        The zoo had already tried to sell them to other zoos, but no one would take them. Therefore, it was the right thing to do, even if you don’t agree.

        You seem to have sentimentalized your care for the animals, but we don’t live in a Disney world and Nature is sometimes gruesome, so they were better off to be put down in a humanely way by a vet insted of be killed by the new lion.

        You might not agree, but our experts are not amateurs, so they know what they do, and our animal organizations agreed too.

        • RobiDon says:

          Arne – you are not the only person who gets confused over how to describe the killing of animals. You used the word “humanely” (or more frequently the phrase “more humanely,” I believe the more accurate word is “inhumanely” as in killing them “less inhumanely.” I’ve never seen nor heard of any animal willingly placing their neck on the cutting block, as it were. They are all killed unwillingly. From the animal’s perspective – and as an animal myself I also wouldn’t willingly put my neck on the block – they are being murdered. And nobody ever said that murder is humane treatment. Of course humans use the positive sounding word “humanely” to paste an acceptable veneer on their treatment. But I, and many others, are not fooled. Neither should you.

          • Arne H. Wilstrup says:

            Humans have actually taken control over the animals – fact
            Zoos do exist – fact
            given animals back to nature and let it care for itselves – unrealistic
            close all the zoos in the world – unrealistic
            Make the majority of world’s population change from carnavores to vegans – unrealistic
            Make canavores suddenly to become vegetarians and make e.g. lions to eat vegetables – unrealistic
            Conclusion: there will still be zoos in a 100 years
            people will still rule over the animals’ behaviour in these zoos and animal parks and consequently it must be done in a scientific way and when killing is necessary -and it is, as zoos are not Diseney parks or pet areas – it must be in a humanely way which implies killing with a smallest amount of pain as possible, as quickly as possible to avoid long time suffering as they do in Nature when killed by other species or their own kind. Therefore a humanely killing is done by serious vets with bolt pistols or with other medical means.
            There will still be a lot of cows, goats, pigs etc. who will be killed in order to feed the carnavores in our zoos or in our national parks.
            So the en of the story is that you have to accept this as you have to accept that there are persons who believe in any god and will not refrain from this superstitous notion.
            I am more preoccupied that many states still kill their own citizens, e.g. China and the USA -and the notion that they have deserved it doesn’t fool me at all. I am against death punisment of human beings no matter what -it doesn’t help, it doesn’t reduce the murder rate and is agains human rights. The US is very hypocritical preoccupied about Crimea because the majority of the people there wanted to return to Russia, and this also made EU to induce sanctions towards Russia, but no sanctions have ever been made when the US e.g. attacked Grenada, when they also attacked Iran against international laws, or when Israel against UN decision took big parts of Palestinian land and made settlements against the same decision because the US alway vetos the Security Counsel whenever some countries try to stop the Israeli murderes there. THIS is my priorities – I like animals, but I don’t have a sentimental attitude to them as human beings are more important than animals. We have to be sure that the animals are treated with respect and with care, but when it is time to put them down -either for food to ourselves or to feed the carnavores in our zoos and animal parks, we must do it – also in order to preserve healthy animals for the future, which implies carefully regards abolisment of inbreeding, whether it by the breeding of animals with the same genes or by stopping inbreed in any way. The giraffe in question belonged to a surplus flock and had to be put down. No contraseptives were used as it will reduce the animals’ natural behaviour, so the Danish zoo had to do as they did. American zoos have also problems with contraceptives and other zoo by inbreeding, and their mimosa sentiments to animals.
            One has said once, that people who have failed to cope with their fellow men (human beings) often develop a over-sensitive feeling for animals.
            Like animals is ok, but putting them down when it is necessary is OK – don’t compare them with human beings – they are, as said before, not pets or Disney animals which are kept in over parks and the zoo.
            That is all there is to it.

  8. Ian H Pedersen says:

    This is too funny, the story here was great but the random idiotic, made up falsities is even more funny than the article itself. How the world, mostly Americans mind you missed the reasons behind the original story is unbelievable. Forcing children??? None were forced to watch and none were forced to stay and yet they ALL did. People should really investigate and learn the topics on which they are going to rant about, especially on the internet. Thanks for all the laughs people. Greetings from Danmark!!! 😀

  9. Pras says:

    Did it need explaining? I thought that it was obviously about the way we treat animals in zoos.

  10. ms Biddle says:

    Thank goodness the meat wasn’t wasted.

  11. Zach Smith says:

    I understand it would have cost far too much to retrain them, but it is still sad. I hope they at least harvested the vital organs.

  12. Arne H. Wilstrup says:

    The zoo in Copenhagen is against neutering – it will not only be a hindrens from the animal’s natural life but also imply a risk – it is very risky to operate animals and the outcome could very wll be the same as putting it down. An a neutering of the lion would also cause that the zoo would not have any offspring any more – and this is not in the zoo’s interests as they also are in favour of letting the animals breed as natural as possble.
    The scenario is this: you operate with a vasectomy -it is risky and doesn’t solve the problem that offspring is a necessity in a modern zoo.
    Neutering of the female lion would not have solved the problem that the male would breed with his daughters which is indbreeding.
    A combination of vasectomi and a neutering for the female lion would have the same result: No babies!
    So NO – the problem would NOT be solved.
    Another scenario: Putting down the male and the female lion and buy a new male lion (and of course put down the offspring of the former couple) would solve the problem: New lions and no harm is done.

    Killing animals is done all over the world – zoos are not Disney parks or pet refugies – and this is a very good thing.

    • RobiDon says:

      The world wide meat industry is one of the biggest contributors to Climate Change/Global Warming – fact;
      Humans are biologically herbivores (regardless of human’s delusions about their canines making them carnivores, and omnivore being more of a description than a biological category) – fact;
      Therefore humans will be eating less animal products, as they are already doing.

      The trend of building zoos with larger spaces allowing more movement and social freedom, along with “wilding” animals back to their natural habitat (or park), will continue to get bigger;
      Zoos are institutions which exemplify and teach human domination over other species. They are part of the ideological message of domination, not only of humans over animals, but men over women, “white” people over people of color, heterosexuals over LGBTQ people; the colonialists over the colonized, and finance capital over the other capitalists and the rest of us.

      I too condemn the U.S.’ role worldwide financially and militarily supporting totalitarian regimes – currently the one’s of note are the Egyptian Military coup and the coup in the Ukraine (when a coup takes place and the U.S. doesn’t make a determination as to whether or not a coup took place, did it really take place? [Think – if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it does it make a sound?]) And the domestic policies of the U.S. are an environmental, economic and police war against its own people.

      The impact that the worldwide Meat Industry has on Climate Crisis/Global Warming is, to my way of thinking, an example of something that has not traditionally been considered by progressive and left-oriented people to be of sufficient import to pay it much attention. But not only are there no jobs on a dead planet, there is no social justice either.

      • Arne H. Wilstrup says:

        Your suggestion would result in massive killing of cows – the farting from cows contribute to the carbon dioxide-increasing in the atmosphere. Moreover, you will never change the way of living for the carnivores they will still have to have meat.
        Change what you can, but don’t try to change what you cannot.
        I don’t agree in the notion that humans are eating lesser meat in the world – I think it is your dream. It might also be a dream of yours that people will end up being vegans – this will not happen. It is, however, your right to have a dream, of course, even if it will not be happening in our time if ever.

  13. Maxime Prometheas says:

    Umm, they were killed by lethal injection and then fed to the lions? How did the lions digest that? To not risk the lion population they should have just “humanely” killed those staff members with a bolt-gun shot to the head. Heck, after having read those articles on Marvin the giraffe and the four lions, I would have gladly done it for them myself.

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