Published On: Wed, Jul 4th, 2012

Chinese To Celebrate Fourth Of July Over Record High Exports Of Illegal Fireworks To U.S.

BEIJING (The Global Edition) – Preparations for Fourth of July celebrations are well underway in numerous cities across China, as the nation’s economy receives another major boost from sales of illegal fireworks to the U.S.

Chinese economists say this year’s firework sales will break new records, prompting officials to plan 4th of July celebrations in hundreds of cities and towns.

State officials agree that the American appetite for fireworks deserves to be celebrated regardless of the fact that most of the Chinese fireworks exported to the U.S. fail to pass safety control.

“The Fourth of July is a very important date for China and for the Chinese economy, so it deserves to be celebrated properly. The old American tradition of buying all sorts of rockets, Roman candles, sparklers, and mortars from us is putting my eldest son through college. I don’t think I’m the only person in China who can’t possibly thank the Americans enough for loving fireworks so much,” Lee Huang Hou, the deputy chief of the Sechuan province Community Party committee told reporters.

Chinese officials say they aren’t entirely sure what the U.S. is celebrating on Independence Day, but suppose it “has something to do with the mid-nineties Hollywood blockbuster starring Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum.”

Fourth of July celebrations in China this year will include flying kites, singing old communist worker’s songs, and lantern parades.

Dependence On Chinese Fireworks Threatens American Independence Day

Imports of fireworks from China have become a major diplomatic tool in economic negotiations between China and the U.S., insider sources from Washington report.

China is reportedly using American dependency on Fourth of July fireworks as leverage to get what they want in other areas.

“Fireworks are the main reason why China is going to overtake the U.S. as the number one superpower in the world,” a source in Washington who wished to remain anonymous told reporters from The Global Edition.

“The only reason we allow the Chinese to basically do whatever they want on the free market is because we have an addiction to shiny exploding rockets, and need them every Fourth of July. Personally, I think it’s a good trade-off. Give me the choice between becoming a global superpower again by working my ass off and firing up my Death Wish rocket, and I know what I would choose,” the source added.

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