Cayman Bankers Shift Accounts To Small Row Boats
GEORGE TOWN (The Global Edition) – With the institution of an expat tax applied to foreigners using the Cayman Islands as a tax haven, Cayman banks have moved their client accounts even further off-shore in effort to elude the prying eyes of the government and international financial institutions.
According to Jason Colburn, a money manager of HSBC Bank (Cayman) Limited, the new scheme will effectively provide shielding from unnecessary taxation. “Most of our clients never use their funds here anyway,” says Mr. Colburn. “Putting it on the water qualifies it for a ‘transit’ status so even if it were found, it cannot be taxed.” Regrettably, the bank has lost several of the lobster baskets due to piranha and shark incidents.
Faced with the prospect of losing its appeal as a tax haven, banks with subsidiaries in the Caymans have embraced this off-off-shore solution as “innovative, creative, and mostly secure.”
Harbor authorities at George Town, however, have taken a dim view of this new practice, claiming that the bank accounts now occupy 87 percent of the available moorage and thus clog water traffic. Lt. Winston Stevens, speaking to The Global Edition, was irate. “You cannot take your boat out anymore without running into money!” Mr. Stevens is heading a movement with the aim of sending the tethered bank accounts further out to sea. “It is difficult enough to keep order among some of the largest yachts without the row boats, but now the money-lines are all getting tangled. I get reports of people falling into vast sums even if they were only fishing for mackerel.”
One client, who asked to be referred to only as 873-4929-7382-1K, admits that he was quite uncertain at first about the tax floats. “Eventually they talked me into it. They showed me a big ol’ waterproof suitcase, and I reckoned it would be ok.”
Giving a smile, 873-4929-7382-1K said, “I always figured oil and water don’t mix. Guess I was wrong.”