Iranian Women To Ahmadinejad: “Step Down Or We Will Unleash Our Earthquake Machine”
TEHRAN (THE GLOBAL EDITION) – Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has publicly declared the capital city is in imminent danger of being wiped out by an artificial earthquake machine operated by the nation’s women. “As I have said before, the woes of Iran, and the earthquakes that threaten us in particular, can all be blamed on immodest More...
Saudi Arabia Allows Women To Ride Unicycles
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (The Global Edition) – Saudi Arabia’s predominately religious rulers issued a new law yesterday allowing women to ride unicycles in public areas. No longer will women be restricted to More...
North Korea Threatens To Launch Three More Terrifying Youtube Videos
PYONGYANG (The Global Edition) North Korea leader Kim Jong Un said his country is ready to attack the United States with three new YouTube videos if the US does not cancel its ongoing military exercise. The order More...
Impatient Wikipedia Editor Turns Off Hugo Chavez’s Life Support
VENEZUELA, (The Global Edition)– Hugo Chavez died today at 19:45 EST after one of Wikipedia editors, who happened to be Chavez’s doctor, turned off the machine that was keeping the Venezuelan President alive More...
Terrorist Thinks Hi-Jacking Hot Air Balloon May Not Have Been the Best Idea Ever
ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (The Global Edition) – Hassan Nutkani, 28-year-old member of the Taliban terrorist organization, admitted today to Pakistani law officials at the Islamabad police station, that hi-jacking More...
Bored Iran Somehow Manages To Get Through Another Lecture By World Powers Without Falling Asleep
ALMATY, Kazakhstan (The Global Edition) – Iranian officials managed somehow to stay awake at the last high-level talks over Tehran’s nuclear program with boring World Power’ representatives, held More...
North Korea Tests Nuclear Warhead on Life-Size Model of South Korea
PYONGYANG (The Global Edition) – Tens of thousands of people gathered in snowy Pyongyang square yesterday to witness the testing of North Korea’s nuclear warhead on a dummy model of their neighboring More...
Police Confiscates Oscar Pistorius’ Legs
JOHANNESBURG (The Global Edition) – After being charged with the murder of his girlfriend, who was shot dead inside his home in South Africa, local police have confiscated the paralympic superstar Oscar Pistorius’ More...
Cow Resigns from Position of India’s Holiest Animal
INDIA (The Global Edition) – Cows, the most common large domesticated ungulate mammal, have shocked the nation of India today, after announcing their resignation from the position of India’s holiest More...
North Korea Detonates Nuclear Weapon To Take Spotlight Away From Pope’s Retirement
Seoul (The Global Edition) — North Korea detonated a nuclear device with an estimated yield of eight-kilotons to unanimous condemnation from the world community, succeeding in its “attempt to divert attention More...