Small-Dicked Environmentalist Purchases Tesla Roadster
SAN FRANCISCO (The Global Edition)– Jack Rodney (41) eco-house real estate agent with a below-average-size penis from San Francisco, USA, purchased a new model of Tesla roadster, sources report. Mr. Rodney has wanted an overcompensating sports car ever since he found out his sexual performance was pretty bad, but until recently was unable to buy More...
Bob Dylan Acknowledges 50-Year-Long Hoax: My Lyrics Don’t Make Sense
Rock and roll legend, Bob Dylan, acknowledged in a recent interview that he has perpetuated an elaborate hoax on the public for more than fifty years. “I can’t sing, half of the time I don’t even More...
Young Couple Furious At Baby For Not Fixing Relationship
SAN FRANCISCO, (The Global Edition) – Young San Francisco couple, George and May Stevens are furious with their newborn baby for not solving their relationship problems. May and George have had communications More...
Everyone Hoping Hospitalized Bombing Suspect Recovers Quickly So Government Can Execute Him
BOSTON (The Global Edition) – People across the United States gathered Tuesday to pray for the full recovery of 19-year-old Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnev so the government may execute him. Tsarnev, who More...
Iranian Women To Ahmadinejad: “Step Down Or We Will Unleash Our Earthquake Machine”
TEHRAN (THE GLOBAL EDITION) – Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has publicly declared the capital city is in imminent danger of being wiped out by an artificial earthquake machine operated by the nation’s More...
US State Department Working Hard On Campaign To Remind Everyone Justin Bieber Is Canadian
WASHINGTON D.C. (The Global Edition) – Hours after Justin Bieber’s controversial comment in the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, US State Department has called up for a special news conference in front More...
Saudi Arabia Allows Women To Ride Unicycles
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (The Global Edition) – Saudi Arabia’s predominately religious rulers issued a new law yesterday allowing women to ride unicycles in public areas. No longer will women be restricted to More...
US Bans Rodman From Visiting Other Countries
WASHINGTON D.C. (The Global Edition) – The U.S. State Department has issued a special ban today, barring former NBA basketball player Dennis Rodman from visiting other world countries. At a news conference More...
Thieves That Stole Five Tonnes Of Nutella Now Robbing Bakeries
KESSEL, Germany (The Global Edition) – An unknown number of culprits that stole 5.5 metric tons of “Nutella” chocolate-hazelnut spread from a parked trailer in the central German town of Bad Hersfeld More...
Greece Opens First De-Relaxing Tourist Resort
ATHENS (The Global Edition) – Greek press office announced yesterday their country is almost done building the world’s first “non-relaxing tourist resort”, and if everything goes to plan, More...