Published On: Sun, Nov 4th, 2012

Canada Beefing Up Border Patrol In Event Romney Wins Presidential Election

CANADA, (The Global Edition) — Governor Romney’s surprising victory in first Presidential debate between President Obama and the Governor has had a surprising effect on the United State’s neighbors to the north, North American media reports. The border police gave out a warning about “a flood of American liberals seen sneaking across the border into Canada“, which sparked calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

Media outlets report that the possibility of a Romney Presidency has prompted the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to “hold down a job, hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.”

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Canadian border farmers noted that dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossed their fields last night. “I went out to milk the cows yesterday, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Nesterenko, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I gave him some fresh warm goat milk he tossed his cookies and left. Didn’t even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Nesterenko erected higher fences today, failing to stop the liberals who dug under them. Mr. Nesterenko also tried installing speakers that blast Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through but many were crying as they ran through the corn fields.”

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Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of bottled water and wearing sandals. They did have a nice little ‘Napa Valley cabernet’, though,” he added.

It has been reported that the few liberals who got caught were sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about that if there is a Republican Majority, they will establish re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and actually work for a living. According to well-informed sources, “liberals need so much job training that it is cheaper to just put them in a motel and provide room service.”

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Reports have been made that many liberals have come up with ingenious ways of crossing the border, faced with uncertain future in the US. The Global Edition finds out certain members of said political orientation have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Red Skelaton and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have reportedly complained that these illegal immigrants are “creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies”.

”I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “but, how many lawyers, art-history and English majors does one country need?“ she added.

Even more info: articles on 2012 US Presidential elections

The Global Edition contributor Jello Marx

Share your view
  • http://YourWebsite... freefroggy

    Well we don’t need any left-leaning Yanks crossing over into Canada , we have a whole city full of Canadian lefties in Toronto!LOL!

    • http://YourWebsite... Jello Marx

      Don’t worry Freefroggy, all of the Lefty Yanks are busy in the playoffs.

    • http://YourWebsite... Retired Logger

      Ya, don’t forget the leftie in Montreal. They go by a different name called Parti Quebequois.

  • http://YourWebsite... genaro

    it’s true, in Mexicali Mexico, they already started to flood Justo Sierra Blvd and you just can’t get them out of La Casona, poor bastards

  • http://YourWebsite... alex

    Wow liberals/ACORN should be ready to move to Mexico cuz Canadian borders will be closed during celebration….

  • http://YourWebsite... Dan

    Eh! Canada is part of North America and all Americans should vote! Ya just gotta go to Chicago to do so!

    • http://YourWebsite... Kay Johnson

      Sorry, Chicago is full. Try Philadelphia.

  • http://YourWebsite... Bob N.

    Since the Mexicans are taking over the Southwest, the liberals would have all kinds of room to live in Mexico. Just don’t expect to get all the handouts the the illegals get here.

  • http://YourWebsite... Dafooo

    Exodus ? is what I am reading in this article but immigration ir really what fit the situation because it is the reality of things.

    Free float of capitals and human beings is what I usually hear in the Media but what I see is another version of what is dictated.

  • http://YourWebsite... Cleric 77

    Let’s encourage our amoral socialists to move to Canada, and get them off of our national welfare and entitlements and let our northern socialistic friends support them.

    • http://YourWebsite... Aaron Egal

      Canada is not socialist country even right now, I dont know why liberals are coming here, Conseratives control all 3 upper levels of government here. LOL socialist liberal idiots.

  • http://YourWebsite... Ralph Lapaugh

    Good riddance to bad rubbish!!!!!!!!

  • http://YourWebsite... Blanche

    Your youth is showing. It’s Red Skelton, not Skelaton.

  • http://YourWebsite... giavonna dimaggio

    Ha! Ha! Too funny, but wait a minute I’m for animal rights.But I’m a conservative and vote republican. I love God & my country. Hey Canada we have a used president for free. Do you want him?

  • http://CanadaisconseravtiveLOL! Aaron Egal

    Canada is more conservative now, then America is going to be with Romney president LOL. Silly Liberals

  • http://YourWebsite... Lissa

    They’re not wanted to the north, nor the south … perhaps they can emigrate east or west. That would work out nicely …

  • http://YourWebsite... crimson

    Let the libtards leave. America would be better off without them!!

  • http://YourWebsite... nananananananananana

    That’s how nutty you cons have grown. Praying satire turns into reality. It really isn’t that different from the parallel universe you guys appear to live in already. I don’t know if you’ll understand any of the aforementioned so I’ll attempt to speak your language. Moo, guns, moo, hunt, yeehaw, lefty, cows, yeehaw, libtard, mexican, yeehaw, sheepfist.

  • http://YourWebsite... terry parenteau

    If you americans actually knew who we Canadians really are Id fucking faint!!!!One more thing,us Canadians will gladly take a leader like Obama and send you guys this fucking zeolot Harper to you.

  • http://YourWebsite... terry parenteau

    Canada will take any minority persons into our borders.No whiteman.Whitemen are starting to look scary to everybody in the world!!!!!