Published On: Thu, Apr 11th, 2013

BREAKING: CAPS LOCK KEY STUCK AT GLOBAL EDITION OFFICES

RIGHT HERE (THE GLOBAL EDITION) – SOURCES CLOSE TO THIS WORKSTATION HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON A CERTAIN STAFF WRITER’S KEYBOARD HAS BECOME STUCK IN THE ACTIVE POSITION.

“EVERYONE IS GOING TO THINK I’M CONSTANTLY SHOUTING IN THIS ARTICLE,” SAID THE WRITER, WHO WISHED TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS. “THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL.”

SEVERAL THEORIES HAVE ALREADY BEEN PRESENTED AS TO WHAT MIGHT BE CAUSING THE MALFUNCTION, INCLUDING THE NOTION THAT THE AFOREMENTIONED JOURNALIST MAY HAVE GOTTEN SOME CRUMBS IN BETWEEN THE KEYS.

“I’VE BEEN SKIPPING BREAKFAST AND JUST KIND OF GOING TO TOWN ON THESE THINGS DURING THE DAY LATELY. IT’S NOT AN UNREASONABLE THEORY,” ADMITTED THE WRITER.

AT PRESS TIME THE GLOBAL EDITION STAFFER WAS USING A TOOTHPICK TO TRY TO SCRAPE WHATEVER MATERIAL MAY BE BLOCKING THE Ah, that did it.

by tge correspondent bradley vega

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  1. Spanishbill says:

    OKAY, WELL I’M GLAD ALL OF THAT GRAPHIC SHOUTING IS OVER! WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I happened to me once, I just ran the keyboard through the dish washer and then let it dry out for a week. tHeRe DoEsn’T sEEm To bE aNY pRobLems SiNcE tHeN. nExT tImE i’LL tRy ThAt ToOtHpIcK iDeA.

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