Small-Dicked Environmentalist Purchases Tesla Roadster
SAN FRANCISCO (The Global Edition)– Jack Rodney (41) eco-house real estate agent with a below-average-size penis from San Francisco, USA, purchased a new model of Tesla roadster, sources report. Mr. Rodney More...
Sci-Fi Author Envisions Alternate Reality Where He Has A Girlfriend
LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) – Jeremy Douglas (37), a relatively unknown sci-fi writer has been stretching his imagination to ridiculous lengths in recent weeks trying to envision an alternate reality More...
Blood-soaked Film Not Suited For Children Due to Nudity
LOS ANGELES, (The Global Edition) – US film censors have declared Europe’s latest hyper-violent gore feature “not suited for children” due to scenes that show female back nudity. The Culture More...
Bob Dylan Acknowledges 50-Year-Long Hoax: My Lyrics Don’t Make Sense
Rock and roll legend, Bob Dylan, acknowledged in a recent interview that he has perpetuated an elaborate hoax on the public for more than fifty years. “I can’t sing, half of the time I don’t even More...
Young Couple Furious At Baby For Not Fixing Relationship
SAN FRANCISCO, (The Global Edition) – Young San Francisco couple, George and May Stevens are furious with their newborn baby for not solving their relationship problems. May and George have had communications More...
Kid With Gluten Allergy Ruins Birthday Cake and Party
DALLAS, Tx. (The Global Edition) — Antony Case’s (6) birthday party had to be cancelled until further notice after one stupid kid developed an allergic reaction to gluten in the birthday cake and fell More...
Nine Journalists Injured While Trying To Prounounce ‘Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’
At least nine reporters were injured at work after attempting to pronounce the Boston bomber’s full name on their own, the police sources across the United States report. The journalists reportedly refused More...
Iranian Women To Ahmadinejad: “Step Down Or We Will Unleash Our Earthquake Machine”
TEHRAN (THE GLOBAL EDITION) – Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has publicly declared the capital city is in imminent danger of being wiped out by an artificial earthquake machine operated by the nation’s More...
Greenpeace Girl Can Totally Tell When You’re Faking A Phone Call
LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) — Jess Kibliwicky (21) Greenpeace activist and chief flyer distributer near LA’s Hollywood Boulevard claims she knows without a single doubt whether a pedestrian’s More...
Black Man Hired For Well-Paid Job Straight After Prison Release
PENNSYLVANIA, (The Global Edition) — One week after his release from McKean Federal Correctional Institution in Pennsylvania, a middle-aged African-American man has been hired to do a highly paid job. After More...