Scientists: World Faces Certain Doom If Humanity Continues to Blah Blah Blah

Some planet or whatever

GENEVA (The Global Edition) – A new scientific report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) indicates, in no uncertain terms, that the entire planet’s fate depends on humanity ending More...

by The Global Edition | Published 3 days ago

Copenhagen Zoo Kills Four Healthy Staff Members To Make Space for New Employees

zoo

COPENHAGEN (The Global Edition) – The Copenhagen Zoo has killed several of its staff members early this morning in order to create four new job openings, the Zoo public relations More...

Catholicism Shares Hit All-Time Low After CEO Steps Down

pope cardinals

VATICAN, (The Global Edition)– Shares of Catholic Faith (CATH) hit their lowest level in more than 700 years on Monday, continuing a decline hastened by the company’s More...

Self-Employed Man’s Boss A Total Asshole

store-clerk

NEW JERSEY (The Global Edition) – Raakesh Mehta (39), self-employed store clerk, told the representatives from the New Jersey news source today that his boss is “a More...

hugo

CIA Plot To Let Chavez Age And Die Naturally Comes To Fruition

CARACAS, VENEZUELA (The Global Edition) — A CIA-backed plan to assassinate Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez by letting him die on his own has finally reached completion. Dubbed More...

US Senate Still Debating What ‘Sequester’ Means

WASHINGTON D.C. (The global Edition) — The United States Senate held heated debates today in an effort to come up with a meaning for the word ‘sequester’. Majority More...

Dozens of Celebrities Die of Pneumonia After Performing ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

ice

UNITED STATES (The Global Edition) – Vanilla Ice, Jeff Goldblum, Will Ferrell, John Goodman, Celine Dion, Jerry Springer More...

CIA Pays $230K in Royalties to Red Hot Chili Peppers for Using Their Songs to Torture Gitmo Prisoner

Red Hot Chili Peppers

WASHINGTON, USA (The Global Edition) – Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) was forced to pay $230.000 worth More...

flappy First Flappy Bird Rehab Center Opens in Japan

OSAKA, JAPAN (The Global Edition) – First rehabilitation center for treating Flappy Bird addiction opened its...

greenpeace Greenpeace Girl Can Totally Tell When You’re Faking A Phone Call

LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) — Jess Kibliwicky (21) Greenpeace activist and chief flyer distributer near...

wedding Economic Crisis Forces Greeks To Have Small, Skinny Weddings

ATHENS, GREECE (The Global Edition) – After five years of a deepening economic recession and growing...

Scientists: World Faces Certain Doom If Humanity Continues to Blah Blah Blah

Some planet or whatever

GENEVA (The Global Edition) – A new scientific report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) More...

Report: Poor People Still Unaware of Immortality

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Global Edition) – A new report released Friday indicates those at the lowest end of the economic spectrum..

Slavoj Zizek Challenges Noam Chomsky to a Boxing Match

MASSACHUSETTS/SLOVENIA (The Global Edition) — The ongoing debate between two of two of the world’s best known philosophers, the communist psychoanalyst..

World Sends Humanitarian Aid to Soccer-Ravaged Brazil

brazilians

SAO PAOLO, BRAZIL (The Global Edition) – Global football relief efforts are gaining momentum as countries More...

Putin’s Anti-Swearing Law Forces “Pussy Riot” To Change Name To “Vagina Riot”

Members of punk band “Pussy Riot” have decided to change the band name to “Vagina Riot”, only several days after Russian..

Selfies Gradually Lengthening Human Arms, Study Finds

BOSTON (The Global Edition) – Scientists from Harvard University claim they have found an indisputable proof that human arms have become..
FDA-inspector

European Food Safety Agency Assures Consumers Horsemeat Probably Came From Dead Horses

BRUSSELS (The Global Edition) – The European Food Safety Authority issued a statement today regarding citizens’ complaints about traces of horsemeat..
Some planet or whatever

Scientists: World Faces Certain Doom If Humanity Continues to Blah Blah Blah

GENEVA (The Global Edition) – A new scientific report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) indicates, in no uncertain..
brazilians

World Sends Humanitarian Aid to Soccer-Ravaged Brazil

SAO PAOLO, BRAZIL (The Global Edition) – Global football relief efforts are gaining momentum as countries and soccer organizations donate balls,..