Small-Dicked Environmentalist Purchases Tesla Roadster
SAN FRANCISCO (The Global Edition)– Jack Rodney (41) eco-house real estate agent with a below-average-size penis from San Francisco, USA, purchased a new model of Tesla roadster, sources report. More...
Catholicism Shares Hit All-Time Low After CEO Steps Down
VATICAN, (The Global Edition)– Shares of Catholic Faith (CATH) hit their lowest level in more than 700 years on Monday, continuing a decline hastened by the company’s More...
Self-Employed Man’s Boss A Total Asshole
NEW JERSEY (The Global Edition) – Raakesh Mehta (39), self-employed store clerk, told the representatives from the New Jersey news source today that his boss is “a More...
While All Other Actors Were Busy With Oscars, Nicolas Cage Lands 15 Mediocre Roles
LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) – While all the other actors in Hollywood were being entertained at the 85th annual Academy Motion Picture Arts and Sciences award show, More...
CIA Plot To Let Chavez Age And Die Naturally Comes To Fruition
CARACAS, VENEZUELA (The Global Edition) — A CIA-backed plan to assassinate Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez by letting him die on his own has finally reached completion. Dubbed More...
US Senate Still Debating What ‘Sequester’ Means
WASHINGTON D.C. (The global Edition) — The United States Senate held heated debates today in an effort to come up with a meaning for the word ‘sequester’. Majority More...
Sci-Fi Author Envisions Alternate Reality Where He Has A Girlfriend
LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) – Jeremy Douglas (37), a relatively unknown sci-fi writer has been stretching his More...
Blood-soaked Film Not Suited For Children Due to Nudity
LOS ANGELES, (The Global Edition) – US film censors have declared Europe’s latest hyper-violent gore feature More...
Greenpeace Girl Can Totally Tell When You’re Faking A Phone Call
LOS ANGELES (The Global Edition) — Jess Kibliwicky (21) Greenpeace activist and chief flyer distributer near...
Economic Crisis Forces Greeks To Have Small, Skinny Weddings
ATHENS, GREECE (The Global Edition) – After five years of a deepening economic recession and growing...
Vegetarian Finishes Conversation Without Pointing Out That He’s a Vegetarian
SAN FRANCISCO, (The Global Edition) – Roger Berry (31), web designer from San Francisco, shocked the...
After Rodman’s Visit, North Koreans Finally Realize What All Americans Look Like
PYONGYANG (The Global Edition)– Citizens of North Korea More...
Secret United Nations Plot to Create World Peace Discovered
NEW YORK, LONDON, WORLD (The Global Edition) — Nations around the globe are up in arms, with the revelation More...
Bored Iran Somehow Manages To Get Through Another Lecture By World Powers Without Falling Asleep
ALMATY, Kazakhstan (The Global Edition) – Iranian officials managed somehow to stay awake at the last high-level talks over Tehran’s nuclear..North Korea Detonates Nuclear Weapon To Take Spotlight Away From Pope’s Retirement
Seoul (The Global Edition) — North Korea detonated a nuclear device with an estimated yield of eight-kilotons to unanimous condemnation from..Decades of Prayer Finally Cure AIDS
Religious leaders of the world have made medical history by effectively curing with their prayers a child born More...
Pieces of Democracy Found All Over Russia
URALS, RUSSIA (The Global Edition)– Millions of tiny pieces of broken democracy were found all accross Russia earlier this morning after..Nutritional Content Found in Student’s Cafeteria Meal
SHEFFIELD (The Global Edition) – Tamara Melanson, 19, a first year economics student at Sheffield University, discovered healthy nutritional content in..Nine Journalists Injured While Trying To Prounounce ‘Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’
At least nine reporters were injured at work after attempting to pronounce the Boston bomber’s full name on their own, the..
BREAKING: CAPS LOCK KEY STUCK AT GLOBAL EDITION OFFICES
RIGHT HERE (THE GLOBAL EDITION) – SOURCES CLOSE TO THIS WORKSTATION HAVE CONFIRMED THAT THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON A CERTAIN..
European Food Safety Agency Assures Consumers Horsemeat Probably Came From Dead Horses
BRUSSELS (The Global Edition) – The European Food Safety Authority issued a statement today regarding citizens’ complaints about traces of horsemeat..
Small-Dicked Environmentalist Purchases Tesla Roadster
SAN FRANCISCO (The Global Edition)– Jack Rodney (41) eco-house real estate agent with a below-average-size penis from San Francisco, USA, purchased..
